Clearing Mental Clutter

When brain space is lacking

Confession: I am a slow writer. This feels like a somewhat shameful (or at least undesirable) thing to admit in a world that rewards frequent production of content. I’m always in awe, and just a teensy bit jealous, of writers who are more prolific than I am—how do they manage to post high-quality stuff multiple times a week? Do their first drafts come out in almost-final form, unlike mine which are giant messes until I’ve put in lots of revision time? Do they sit down knowing exactly what they want to say instead of figuring it out as they go? Or do they just have more time to give to their writing than I do?

Neuron-like rivulets in the sand

I know it does me no good to sink into these comparisons. Usually, I’m happy to accept that we are all unique; it’s perfectly valid to do things at your own speed, and there’s no shame in taking your time. 

But that isn’t much comfort when I’ve got an essay to write and only a few hours to spare. And it isn’t just time that’s lacking lately—it’s brain space, too. Lots of things are happening internally and externally that are siphoning my attention and making it hard to focus on the writing I want (and need!) to do. 

I feel like brain space isn’t mentioned much when we talk about creativity, but it’s a key component for me. If things are too cluttered inside my head, it feels like I have a whole bunch of small people yelling at me, repeating thoughts over and over until I pay attention—things ranging from what do I need to prep for dinner? To oh crap, I think this heel pain I’ve been having for weeks is plantar fasciitis, now what am I supposed to do? (true story! If you’ve dealt with this please tell me what helped you!) Then there are the old standards like what’s next on the to-do list? and how can we maintain hope when faced with a never-ending onslaught of terrible news and unthinkable tragedies? 

Often, this brain clutter completely blocks my creative juices. It might be that I have writing time scheduled in my calendar, but I am unable to focus because my kid’s having a rough day and I need to fully listen to what they are saying, or there are scheduling logistics to work out, or a health condition to be researched. Then, before I know it, my “writing” block is over and I’ve gotten nowhere. (Well, that’s not exactly true, I guess. Taking action on those other things instead of just fretting about them does tidy the mind up a bit… but sometimes it also introduces new distractions to the mix!)

The tricky thing is that, for me, writing actually helps clear away certain types of brain clutter, which ultimately leaves me with more space. If I can manage to just sit down and transcribe whatever one of those inner people needs to say, I often do feel like things start to flow freely again. But there are still plenty of other thoughts clamoring to be heard, and not enough time to fully explore each one of them. I guess this is why some people journal regularly! Maybe I just feel so scattered right now because there’s a backlog, which often happens during summer when my usual routines are upended. Also because it’s just been extraordinarily busy these past few months.

All of this is to say—writing requires time, attention, and focus, and these have been hard to come by lately! But I’m showing up here anyway, because I want you to know that if your brain is also full to the brim, if you’re craving an inner peace that feels completely out of reach, if you’re just trying to roll with it and do the best you can despite the obstacles thrown in your way—I’m right there with you. Putting words down one after the other, plodding along at my slow pace, taking it all one step at a time.