This resonates so deeply! My anxiety resulted from trying to control myself, others and my environment so as not to have any “surprises.” Always on guard, hyper vigilant, scanning for threats. Then when this became too much, my nervous system would crash and I’d experience weeks of depression, making it hard to get out of bed - let alone go to work or take care of my kids. What I didn’t realize until recently is that this was my body’s way of trying to get me to pay attention to what my needs are and how to tend to them (aka feeling safe to feel my feelings so they don’t gunk up the system). These underworld experiences are some of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. I feel like I have permanent grief lines from them. I have also experienced those lanterns in the dark - and it’s hard to express the amount of love and gratitude I have for these way-showers. Our experience in the underworld and subsequent returns is what gives us so much empathy for those who are going to these depths, because we’ve been there. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps to know I’m not alone! What you create here, in your writing, from your heart is such a gift - and another lantern in the dark. ❤️
Aw, thank you so much! That relationship between anxiety and depression is such a good point to bring up, and has been very true for me as well. For so long I had zero awareness that my anxiety was affecting my body at all because it just felt so "normal" to be in that hypervigilant state. But, yup, can't stay like that forever--a crash into depression after years of that was probably inevitable. I suppose it is a little easier to move through life now that I am more aware of my body's signals, but it is also true that those underworld experiences are so, so hard (permanent grief lines indeed!!). Very glad that you found your lantern-bearers, and thank you for being here 💕
Interesting spin on the ol’ dark visitor. Perhaps bouts of depression allow greater depths of joy, and as Mama Witch commented, greater empathy. Always enjoy your thoughts Alanna. ♥️
Yes, I do think it's true that there can be a lot more appreciation for even the smallest of joyful moments once you've been to the depths. At the same time, I also know that this perspective doesn't come naturally—it's easy, and totally understandable, to miss these moments because you're so busy bracing for the next descent. It's definitely one of those things that I have to practice over and over again! Thank you for your comment 💗
I really like this framing! It made me think of something I learned about earlier this summer that really floored me -- that our view of mental health and equating anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and more as individual health issues may be uniquely American/Western and kind of paves the way for this very linear treatment journey, based on around diagnosing, prescribing, treating...FIXING. Which, I suppose, shouldn't be surprising. If something is an illness, than we fix it, right? But it was hard for me to come to terms with, because of how important it has been to even name and recognize these "conditions". Anyway, I think I'm ready to evolve from that and I like this ebb and flow idea of depression (and anxiety too!) and the shifting of responsibility from the individual to the community/society. It makes so much more sense!
Yes, I have been coming to similar conclusions and am realizing that SO MANY of the things we frame as individual problems really point to deeper societal issues, which could totally change the way we approach managing them (if we are willing to evolve our way of thinking about them, that is!). Thanks for your comment, Janice!
This resonates so deeply! My anxiety resulted from trying to control myself, others and my environment so as not to have any “surprises.” Always on guard, hyper vigilant, scanning for threats. Then when this became too much, my nervous system would crash and I’d experience weeks of depression, making it hard to get out of bed - let alone go to work or take care of my kids. What I didn’t realize until recently is that this was my body’s way of trying to get me to pay attention to what my needs are and how to tend to them (aka feeling safe to feel my feelings so they don’t gunk up the system). These underworld experiences are some of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. I feel like I have permanent grief lines from them. I have also experienced those lanterns in the dark - and it’s hard to express the amount of love and gratitude I have for these way-showers. Our experience in the underworld and subsequent returns is what gives us so much empathy for those who are going to these depths, because we’ve been there. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps to know I’m not alone! What you create here, in your writing, from your heart is such a gift - and another lantern in the dark. ❤️
Aw, thank you so much! That relationship between anxiety and depression is such a good point to bring up, and has been very true for me as well. For so long I had zero awareness that my anxiety was affecting my body at all because it just felt so "normal" to be in that hypervigilant state. But, yup, can't stay like that forever--a crash into depression after years of that was probably inevitable. I suppose it is a little easier to move through life now that I am more aware of my body's signals, but it is also true that those underworld experiences are so, so hard (permanent grief lines indeed!!). Very glad that you found your lantern-bearers, and thank you for being here 💕
Interesting spin on the ol’ dark visitor. Perhaps bouts of depression allow greater depths of joy, and as Mama Witch commented, greater empathy. Always enjoy your thoughts Alanna. ♥️
Yes, I do think it's true that there can be a lot more appreciation for even the smallest of joyful moments once you've been to the depths. At the same time, I also know that this perspective doesn't come naturally—it's easy, and totally understandable, to miss these moments because you're so busy bracing for the next descent. It's definitely one of those things that I have to practice over and over again! Thank you for your comment 💗
I really like this framing! It made me think of something I learned about earlier this summer that really floored me -- that our view of mental health and equating anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, and more as individual health issues may be uniquely American/Western and kind of paves the way for this very linear treatment journey, based on around diagnosing, prescribing, treating...FIXING. Which, I suppose, shouldn't be surprising. If something is an illness, than we fix it, right? But it was hard for me to come to terms with, because of how important it has been to even name and recognize these "conditions". Anyway, I think I'm ready to evolve from that and I like this ebb and flow idea of depression (and anxiety too!) and the shifting of responsibility from the individual to the community/society. It makes so much more sense!
Yes, I have been coming to similar conclusions and am realizing that SO MANY of the things we frame as individual problems really point to deeper societal issues, which could totally change the way we approach managing them (if we are willing to evolve our way of thinking about them, that is!). Thanks for your comment, Janice!